Hesitant to post

Let's just say this has been a really tough year. I have been trying not to post, as I have so many negative thoughts these days. I try so hard to stay positive, then I get beaten down with negativity.

I've been ashamed...
I've hit bottom...
and I have crawled back out again...only to fall down some more.
I have grown a lot of calluses too, and I don't know if that is a good thing.
Being empathetic is a trait I do like about myself.

Granted, I have had worse years in my life, but this one is really wearing me thin. I guess because it's been a while since I have had to really struggle. Failed relationships, job loss, and insecurities can get the best of you. And withdrawing from friends and family is not a way to make things better. But that's what I have been doing. Because I am ashamed. I am embarrassed that I can't seem to handle my problems without breaking down.

Many farewells had to be made this year, many things I truly love. I hope it's only temporary, but it may be forever. I am just thankful I still have my sanity (for now) and my hound dog (age 13 this year!) The one thing that I really really need back is my ALONE time. It helps keep me sane.

But I 'think' 2015 will be better. And it isn't too far away now. I hope and pray that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. I have been trying to find all the answers, but as soon as I think I have them, we have another set back. And the man losing his job has been a very big set back.

Hopefully, the husband will find a job soon, and it isn't a bazillion miles away. I don't think I am ready to uproot after being in New Hampshire for 9 years. I kind of like it here, but if we must, we must...

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